Emotion regulation is the ability to understand, respond to and manage emotional experiences in a healthy and effective way. It is a skill integral to many aspects of life, including decision making, communication, overall wellbeing and more.
Emotional dysregulation, however, is when you are unable to effectively manage and respond to emotional experiences. Finding it difficult to self-soothe when you feel overwhelmed, sad or angry, and then subsequent difficulty returning to your baseline, or your ‘normal’, may be an indicator that you are experiencing emotional dysregulation.
But how does one know when they have a problem with emotion regulation? Below are some common signs to look for, as well as helpful tips on how to improve your emotional regulation.
Common Signs of Emotional Dysregulation
Frequent mood shifts A mood shift, or swing, involves a sudden change of feeling or emotion and can be healthy given the situation. Frequently shifting from one emotional extreme to another without feeling in control of this, however, may be a sign of emotional dysregulation. This may be a solely internal experience.
Intense emotional reactions, or outbursts of anger An intense emotional reaction or outburst of anger that is more intense than the situation warrants may leave you feeling uncomfortable or guilty, and may often be a sign of some larger problem - commonly, this problem is emotional dysregulation.
Difficulty calming down, or managing stress Calming down once you are stressed, overwhelmed or angry can be difficult for many, and if ongoing, may be a sign of emotional dysregulation.
Avoidance of emotions Avoidance of emotions, or situations that may trigger certain emotions can also be a sign that you don’t know what to do when you’re experiencing strong emotions. This can be a common experience resulting from an inability to regulate your emotions.
Impacts on effective communication and interpersonal relationships Not understanding how you feel, and subsequently not being able to communicate that, can cause unnecessary conflicts or misunderstandings in relationships.
Why Emotion Regulation is Important
Emotion regulation is essential to maintaining a balanced life and a healthy mindset. Our emotions motivate us, and help us to communicate with ourselves and others. Emotions often serve us when we do not have the time to think things through, but need to act, in important situations. Thus, it is integral that we understand and regulate them in ways that are healthy and in line with our goals/objectives.
Effective emotion regulation helps you to:
Improve your decision-making abilities.
Mitigate stress and more effectively navigate challenges.
Maintain healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
Enhance your overall well-being and quality of life.
Tips for Improving Emotion Regulation
To improve your ability to regulate your emotions, you first need to understand the emotion(s) you are experiencing. Only then can you reduce emotional vulnerability and decrease emotional suffering.
The fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response is how your body automatically responds to threat and may be activated when you’re feeling emotionally dysregulated. Your body may even enter this response state without the presence of danger, which can lead to heightened anxiety, depression and difficulty controlling your emotions.
Becoming aware of and understanding this automatic process within your body, can help you to understand your emotional triggers on a deeper level.
Below are some tips on how to improve your emotional awareness and regulation:
Identify your emotions Take time to understand your emotions and their triggers. Journaling, self-reflection or talking with a psychologist may help you to gain deeper insights into your emotional experiences.
Practice Mindfulness Mindfulness is the ability to maintain your awareness of the present moment. It helps you to become more aware of your feelings and emotions, and to understand how they impact you.
Mindfulness-based interventions use meditation, relaxation, and awareness exercises with an outlook of non-judgment, in order to achieve this.
Make healthy lifestyle choices Develop a realistic routine which incorporates regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep. These contribute to better overall emotional health.
Small, positive steps are integral to not feeling overwhelmed by this process, and to making sure your new routine sticks.
Use effective reframing Cognitive reframing is a tool that can be used to shift your perspective, which may help you perceive the stressful work project, or the difficult conversation with your partner as an opportunity for growth, rather than burden. This may help you to feel less overwhelmed or stressed by life’s inevitable challenges.
Develop deeper self-compassion Acknowledge that emotion regulation is a skill; it takes time to develop. Be kind to yourself, set healthy boundaries, and celebrate your progress.
Learn coping strategies Develop healthy coping mechanisms to better deal with emotional distress. These can be unique to you but often include enjoyable activities and hobbies, creative outlets, relaxation and breathing techniques, or physical activity.
Try to recognise any maladaptive or unhealthy coping strategies you may have developed throughout your life. Addressing unhealthy coping strategies may help you to mitigate them and develop healthier ones in their place.
Seek support Speaking with family and friends may provide a helpful reframe, or validation of your emotional experience, which may allow for better emotion regulation.
Consider seeking help from a mental health professional when you feel you are unable to manage your emotions on your own. Therapy can provide you with a safe space to explore deeper emotional issues and help you to develop tools and strategies toward better emotion regulation.
Recognizing and addressing emotional dysregulation can lead to significant improvements in your mental health, lifestyle choices, and relationships. Developing effective tools and strategies to regulate your own emotions is invaluable to overall well-being and health.
If you relate to any of the signs mentioned above or have concerns around your emotional regulation, it may be worth exploring ways to improve these skills or seeking professional support.
Remember to show yourself compassion through the process, and that it is never too late to start working on your mental and emotional health.
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